i am a fish
cw: injury/wounds
pt. 1
i am a fish crawling onto your land, dragging myself along the hallowed ground. i plead for some one to listen to hear my gasps and give me water! somebody, give me water!! but i realise no water from your hands will quench my pain. i need the sea from whence i came that shaped me, my body, my soul a sea where i once belonged that longer exists, a desert of the past i thought for a moment if i suffocate enough, will i learn to breathe like a human? native at last to this rotten earth but in my dying, i realised: i carry the sea with me still the sea is me i need only to look within and drink and live
pt. 2
i am a fish born of a wretched cannibalistic sea it held me in its arms but i broke free towards the shore nobody meets me there so i drag myself upon the sand and on shaking, trembling not-quite-legs i venture inland in search for signs of life i find it, i find you and i am so happy to see you but here, i am different i am clumsy, ugly, a monster i am violent, i am toxic what i know to be love only commits violence against you and the way you wrap your hands around me i feel the life drain from me i'm all wrung out i'm your monster, defeated and i don't know i can be anything else when i was in the sea, i was beautiful, smart and brave even as the currents tore my soul apart and eroded all my edges to nothing i learnt how to ride the currents i only know how to ride the currents i don't know how to be your friend i thought i was changing but you showed me my reflection and i think i just don't know how to change i thought i did i thought beyond the sea, i could be different. then i could meet the conditions for life oh, how i wanted to live! and how quickly life regrets me so i meet myself at the shoreline back to a new beginning now ended dragging myself on broken fins i press the open wounds and sores on my body i tug them open, watch my blood spill out such vulnerable, foolish blood i have no use for it anymore. when i am almost empty, i lay in the shallow tide, half-dead and i wait until my sea claims me again i nestle into its violent embrace